Shipping News
by Violet K. Baudelaire
Summary: The Baudelaires are being shipped to a very distant relative. Again. Unfortunately (for the family they’re being shipped to), or fortunately (for the Baudelaires) there’s already an orphan there. His name: Harry Potter.
1. Where in the World?

**-Shipping News–**

**By:** Ariana Snicket

**Rating: **PG - PG-13

**Disclaimer:**

I own nothing of Lemony Snicket's, or J.K. Rowling's worlds or characters. Everything recognizable belongs to Lemony Snicket and J.K. Rowling; anything else belongs to me. This story was written for enjoyment and entertainment only (unless you find yourself weeping uncontrollably and/or laughing so hard you die). Please do not use my original characters or situations (if any) without asking first. Thanks!

**Summary: **

The Baudelaires are being shipped to a very distant relative. Again. Unfortunately (for the family they're being shipped to), or fortunately (for the Baudelaires) there's already an orphan there. His name: Harry Potter.

**WARNINGS:**

I can't think of any at the moment…

**Additional Notes:**

Out-of-the-blue idea. I was thinking of how there were not very many ASOUE/Harry Potter crossovers, so a plot bunny came up and bit me on the butt. Now I have this idea. I'll continue it based on the amount of reviews I get. Once again, this is based on Klaus, Violet, and Sunny from the movie (what they look like.) Happy reading!

"Habagasd." Sunny Baudelaire pouted, gnawing on the moldy black seatbelt strapping her to the back seat of Mr. Poe's car. Had Klaus Baudelaire been paying attention, he would of known this meant something along the lines of, "I'm tired, this seatbelt doesn't taste good, and this car trip is taking too long!"

Since he was paying no attention to Sunny's earlier statement whatsoever, Klaus was looking directly at the headrest of the front seat the Mr. Poe's head was hiding behind as he drove, only to snap out of his staring contest when the car hit a bump or they braked suddenly. Then his head would receive a not-so-severe case of whiplash, and he would come back down to earth.

Normally, Klaus was attentive and quite happy to talk about all and everything, but today, he was just tired and lacking in the attention department immensely. Since he was a Researcher, books were his favorite things in the world (other than his siblings, of course); he was bored out of his extremely sharp wits.

Violet was also bored, but not as much. Since she was an Inventor, the gears, wheels, and wires were turning and working in her head to figure out how to create inventions that worked to improve the environment surrounding her. As she fiddled with the ribbon that tied her hair up to help her think better and also kept the hair out of her eyes, she thought of how to make Mr. Poe's car less prone to bumpiness. She had some idea that she'd have to check if it was a four or six cylinder engine, and take a look at the springs near the wheels. Then she'd probably need a couple of pipes, and then she'd have to replace the wheels if the rubber was too greasy…oh, and string, she'd need string too…

As Violet thought about inventions that would help their situation, and Klaus stared at Mr. Poe's headrest, thinking of books and many other things that would help their situation, Sunny sat and bit the seatbelt in the backseat, thinking of how her teeth would be of help in their situation.

Not that they were in a situation. At least, not yet.

As Klaus let his head drop to his hands, Mr. Poe coughed loudly into his white handkerchief. The car swerved wildly.

"I know you must be tired, Baudelaires," he said, coughing some more. "But it seems like fair punishment for what you are leading me through. If you keep this up, I may not have care of you anymore, and I won't be promoted! You are endangering my position, you know."

Violet took a break from inventing and rolled her eyes. Sunny shrieked, "Galbrig!" which Klaus was quick to translate as, "We didn't mean to do what we did! It was all Count Olaf's fault!"

"Yes, yes, there you go with the Count Olaf business again," Mr. Poe said, tucking his handkerchief into his pocket. "He is a bad man, Klaus, but that doesn't mean he causes every little bit of trouble in your unfortunate lives."

Violet 'humphed' and slouched in her seat as Klaus rested his forehead against the cool window. Outside, it was snowing gently. Sunny stopped biting the seatbelt and craned her neck to peer out the window with Klaus. She would give anything to be out of Mr. Poe's stuffy car once and for all, and a refreshing snow fight seemed the ideal way. Of course, they would probably freeze to death because they had only thin fall coats on, but Sunny was prepared for the worst.

"Do you know where Mr. Poe is taking us now?" Klaus asked his older sister in a whisper, rubbing his neck.

Violet shrugged halfheartedly. "No idea, but let's hope they're not half as bad as Count Olaf, Mr. Sir, Vice principal Nero, and Esmé Squalor were."

"Chik," Sunny said, which meant, "Yes, let's."

Klaus turned away from the window. "Mr. Poe, who are you taking us to now?"

The sound of another hacking fit filled the car, and all of the Baudelaires winced as the car nearly ran into the sidewalk.

"Let's see…" Mr. Poe said, pausing. "Well, they're either your ninth cousins eight times removed, or not your cousins at all."

Violet glanced sideways at Klaus and Sunny.

"But, Mr. Poe, who exactly ARE they?" Violet asked.

"Oh, yes. Let me see." Mr. Poe opened the glovebox and rifled through some papers, all the while not pay the least bit attention to the road. The Baudelaires held tightly to their seats as the car swerved and fishtailed through traffic. Miraculously, they did not hit a single thing.

Klaus was looking horrified, Violet green, and Sunny disgusted.

"Ah, yes! Found it!" Mr. Poe cried triumphantly, holding the papers closer to his face for examination. "Hmmm…yes, yes, yes… oh, no… that won't do…that might be a problem…"

"Mr. Poe!" Klaussaid exasperatedly as the car swerved again.

"Oh yes, yes, quite sorry, Klaus. Here you are." Mr. Poe handed the papers to him, who fumbled with them for a minute before settling them down in his lap. Grabbing his reading glasses from his pocket, he slid them out of his case and set them on his nose. Violet peered over his shoulder, and Sunny stopped biting to look up at the papers.

"What does it say?" Violet asked.

"Well… here's the official certificate for adoption, but there's a coffee stain on it… and here are the Baudelaire fortune papers…" Klaus rifled quietly through the documents. "Ah! Here it is: the statistics of the family we're going to."

Violet peered closer and Sunny crawled closer. Mr. Poe coughed.

"First name: Vernon. Surname: Dursley…?"

Klaus stared dumbly at the papers.

"Who in their right minds would want to have a name like 'Dursley'!?"


	2. Here We Are, In the Middle of Nowhere

**-Shipping News–**

**By:** Ariana Snicket

**Rating: **PG - PG-13

**Disclaimer:**

See chapter numero uno.

**Summary:**

The Baudelaires are being shipped to a very distant relative. Again. Unfortunately (for the family they're being shipped to), or fortunately (for the Baudelaires) there's already an orphan there. His name: Harry Potter.

**WARNINGS:**

I can't think of any at the moment…

**Reviewers:**

**Smartlilazn: **Thank you!

**Nny11: **The coffee-stain, huh? Well, you'll just have to find out… -winkwinknudgenudge-

**Rock Raider: **All over the world,yes. Originally, I thought the Baudelaires lived in England, but then I realized they could be living almost anywhere. I really hate Count Olaf, I really, REALLY do. Really. And I hope you do too…

**Tiggerlily130: **I really hope it turns out okay. My writing skills aren't that awesome, but I try.

**ZeldaDragon:** Thank you very much! I did notice some of the similarities as well, and thought I'd make a crossover out of it. And I really do try to make my grammar as grammatically correct as possible, but I may have a few slip-ups here and there. Just ignore them if you find them, or Aunt Josephine will kill me. –hides-

**Meteora Theory: **Thank you very much! I really hope you do like it!

**ANYWAY, ON TO THE STORY!**

"Who in their right mind would want to have a name like 'Dursley!?'"

Klaus sighed and buried his face in his hands, the paper crinkling beneath his elbows. Sunny looked up at him and shrieked "Gahlo!" which probably meant something along the lines of "That isn't the sort of name that inspires hope and happiness to three orphans about to be adopted by a person with it."

"Thank you, Sunny, for your evaluation." Klaus said dryly, but muffled because his hands were covering his mouth.

Violet put a hand on Klaus's shoulder. "Don't worry, Klaus. I'm sure they're very friendly. It sounds more of like a clean name to me, anyway. Maybe…maybe they like to clean…?"

"Kahdba!" Sunny said, as Klaus went back into his in-the-zone staring contest with Mr. Poe's headrest. Violet didn't bother to translate, but instead leaned back in her seat and tied her hair back up with her ribbon, which had fallen out of her hair when Mr. Poe's driving skills had temporarily vanished.

Almost immediately the gears in her mind started to whirl, now trying to figure out the materials needed for a Recyclable Stuffy Car Air Freshener. Violet didn't really want to talk or pay attention to the conversation (or lack of) Mr. Poe started. Besides, inventing was a helpful way to tune out Mr. Poe's coughing fits, and so she started to zone out as well. Sunny, the only one not a zombie, scowled. Instead of biting the seatbelt, she crawled down and bit Klaus's shoe.

"Ow!" Klaus hissed, rubbing his toe.

"Jaer." Sunny said, which probably meant "Sorry, but your shoe tastes better than the seatbelt."

"Children," Mr. Poe started, but then paused for a fit of coughing while the car performed ballet, "The Dursleys are nice, sensible people. They live in a quaint little area, perfect for playing in, if you do that sort of thing anymore."

"Chabek?" Sunny asked, looking green.

"I believe the area they live in is called Little Whinging, and to be more precise, Number 4, Privet Drive."

"In Surrey?" Klaus said, snapping out of his little dream world to answer the question. He had read all about Surrey and many other areas that resided in Europe, and he was eager for a conversation that was not only interesting, but also one he already knew everything about.

"Yes, yes." Mr. Poe said, not going any further on the subject, much to Klaus's disappointment. "Mr. Dursley has a job in the drill business, and Mrs. Dursley is a full-time mother. Their son, Dudley, is around your age. I think you'll have fun living with them."

The Baudelaires looked at each other. They were all thinking the same thing: A son? Someone they could talk to other than their guardians? It almost seemed like a dream come true.

They would just have to wait and see.

"Ah, here we are!" Mr. Poe said, the car turning into a quaint little area that looked to clean for its own good. The houses were all variations of the same color, and each of their lawns as rolling and green as algae (the parts they could see, anyway). Snow adorned every rooftop, and sparkly lights decorated some of the houses.

Violet looked out the window, sighing. "Well, the house looks normal," She said.

Klaus peered over her shoulder. "No one we ever lived with had Christmas lights on Christmas. And it's not even December!"

"Sparkly!"

Klaus let his indignant look slip from his face and smiled at his younger sister. "Yes, the lights are very sparkly."

Sunny smiled as Mr. Poe's car turned into one of the house's driveway. Violet was right. This house looked so clean that if you threw mud at it, the mud would just slip right off.

"Yes, children, just jump right out and knock on the door. I'll carry your suitcases."

Klaus opened the car door and stepped out into the cold and snowy weather. The driveway was icy, but a little bit of salt had been sprinkled on it so it wouldn't be as slippery. On the other side of the car, Violet had gotten out, Sunny in her arms. Her hair already had begun to accumulate large amounts of snowflakes. Klaus's head was almost completely white with only a little brown showing through, and a fine layer of snow had begun to coat his arms like an icy blanket. Sunny was laughing at them.

"You shouldn't be talking, Sunny," Klaus said, grinning at the amount of snow that covered her. Sunny stopped laughing and scowled.

They approached the door, which (thankfully) was completely blank except for a tiny window. No eye. Nothing. Just as blank…clean…door.

All the Baudelaires sighed in relief.

Mr. Poe came up from behind them laden with suitcases and the like, huffing and hacking in the cold air. His breath showed as white mist that trailed along behind him, and that sharply contrasted with his dark brown coat and black hair.

The Baudelaires looked at each other as Mr. Poe set down the suitcases on the snow-covered porch and knocked, twice, on the front door. A rustling could be heard from inside, and shouts of "Go get it, boy!" and, then, after a few seconds, "Why don't you!?"

The Baudelaires stared at the door, about to bolt back to the car if need be.

Mr. Poe knocked again, but before he could finish his third knock, the door swung open. Klaus stepped backwards, surprised, and Sunny gave a little whimper.

Standing in the doorway was a rather large man, with a large mustache and beady little eyes. He had almost no neck at all, and his three or more chins covered up the neck he did have.

"What do you want?" He asked, gruffly.

"Vernon Dursley, I believe?" Mr. Poe asked, and the supposed Mr. Dursley grunted. "Ah, yes. I'm here with the three Baudelaire children you adopted. If you just sign here, I'll hand them over to you."

Mr. Poe took out one of the papers out that Klaus had looked at, and handed it to the man, who looked dumbfounded.

"I didn't adopt any orphans," He said, his mustache quivering.

"Of course you did! I called you, and you said you'd be happy to make arrangements. After all, you are the last of the Baudelaire relatives. Their will was very specific." Mr. Poe stated importantly.

"I DID NOT adopt any BLOODY ORPHANS!" He yelled, and slammed the door in their faces. Through the window, they could see that he had turned to the stairs, and through the door, they could hear a shouted, "BOY, GET DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT!"

They all stared at the door, not daring to move.

A muffled pounding was heard, and they all supposed it was this "boy" trudging quickly down the stairs. More footsteps. Then large, heavy ones sounded, and then stopped.

"BOY! EXPLAIN!" Mr. Dursley's voice rang out.

"Explain what?" Said a muffled, cool voice.

"The PEOPLE at the DOOR!"

"There are people at the door?"

"Don't be smart with me, boy!"

"I don't know any people at the door."

"Augh! PETUNIA!"

Muffled stomping. More shouts, but Mr. Poe and the Baudelaires couldn't quite hear what was being said.

Then, quite suddenly, the door opened again.

A boy stood there, tall, thin. He looked about 16, with jet-black hair and piercingly green eyes hidden behind glasses. He was grinning slightly.

Violet took a step forward as Mr. Poe shuffled out of the way. Klaus and Sunny looked disbelievingly at her. She turned around and whispered, "We should probably make a good impression."

And then she turned to the boy.

"Hello," she said in a shaky voice, extending an arm. "I'm Violet Baudelaire, this is my brother, Klaus, and my sister, Sunny." The other siblings nodded in turn, snow shaking everywhere.

"And that's-" Klaus pointed to Mr. Poe, "-Mr. Poe. He manages orphan affairs."

Mr. Poe huffed.

"Hello," Said the boy.

"Are you Dudley?" Klaus asked, nervously.

The boy stared, then started to laugh quite hard. The Baudelaires stared at him back.

"Dudley? Dudley…" He choked out. "No, no…"

The Baudelaires looked at each other.

"Well, then, who are you?" Violet asked.

"Oh." The boy said, and stopped laughing. He started grinning instead. "I'm Harry. Harry Potter."


	3. The Strange and Evil

Shipping News– 

**By:** Ariana Snicket

**Rating: **PG - PG-13

**Disclaimer:**

See chapter numero uno.

**Summary:**

The Baudelaires are being shipped to a very distant relative. Again. Unfortunately (for the family they're being shipped to), or fortunately (for the Baudelaires) there's already an orphan there. His name: Harry Potter.

**WARNINGS:**

I can't think of any at the moment…

**Notes:**

Okay. Can y'all tell me what ships you want (if any), so I can try to add a little romance to the soon-to-be angsty story? Hehe. Sorry. I shouldn't have told you that…

**Reviewers:**

**Wow. Thank you all so much for your reviews, they're really inspiring!**

**fiona baudelaire: **Thanks! It just started out as a doodle. I was trying to draw Harry, but it turned into Klaus. And then I had this idea to do an ASOUE/HP crossover. And I'm very sorry for the delay in update, writers block is evil. –sheepish grin-

**Rock Raider: **-evil cackle- you'll just have to find out…

**Nny11:** No, you're right. They don't… -grin-

**Meteora Theory: **That IS a burning question… one you'll just have to wait for… -laughs evilly in a 'I'm going to make them go to- oops, should NOT have said that' way-

**ZeldaDragon:** Thank you for the constructive criticism, I'll be sure to check my grammar! I'll even have Aunt Josephine come and write it, if you want. On the other hand… no, um, nevermind. '

**xOx HeavenSent:** Not good. Not good at ALL… -grin-

**ChibiYugiYasha:** Thanks! Here's a chapter for you.

**Sharada:** Thank you very much! I hope you like the later chapters too.

**The-bulldog-writer:** -smile-

**ultimate-animefan25:** I'll try and make the chapters longer, if I have time. On the other hand, if I have this REALLY, REALLY, good idea and write it down, you be asking me to shorten the chapters… -grin- Here you are! A (hopefully) longer chapter.

**BabyRose129:** Here's another chapter you can read, I hope you like it. I'll have more chapters up in a couple days, so you can be finally relieved of your Grr-ness. This takes place in place of book 7-9. So Klaus is a couple months over 13, and Violet is about to turn 15. Sunny's, um, about 2 and a half. There will be ships, but I'd rather you specify which ones you want. –evil laugh-

**Caladbolg777:** Yes, I like your advice. I can't promise I'll follow all of it though, because I have a couple ideas that may be good for the plot, but I'll try... It's always nice to have reviewers add their thoughts and constructive criticism. Thank you!

**fairy12123:** PIZZA! –quickly hands over the third chapter and drools- Thank you! I'll be sure to have more chapters up quickly.

**Miya Sparrow:** It died for a moment… -sigh- But its up and alive now! –grin- Thanks for your reviews!

**miSS yUnz:** Thank you! Here's an update. Hope you like!

**ON TO THE STORY!**

"Oh." The boy said, and stopped laughing. He started grinning instead. "I'm Harry. Harry Potter."

Violet smiled and lowered Sunny to the snow-sprinkled porch floor so she could walk around and stretch her cramped legs. After Sunny toddled away, Violet placed her hands on her knees and stood back up, smoothed her dress out and shook the snow off of her head.

"It's very nice to meet you, Harry, Harry Potter." She said, holding one hand out and wrapping the other around her waist of her dress to keep warm. Harry paused, the grin slipping off his face like paint. He looked at her hand, and then shook it, (Violet only now noticed how bony it felt) his face completely blank as though he feared her fingers might break his wrist.

Klaus stared. When Harry turned to him, he smiled slowly and apologetically. He knew how Harry must feel; getting people dumped on your doorstep wasn't a common occurrence, and this boy may have had past experiences that caused him to be wary of strange things. Apparently, he knew nothing of their arrival. This was just as unexpected an event as a letter arriving telling you of wonderful things you knew nothing about. At least, he thought he knew…

Instead of walking around, like Violet put her down on the ground to do, Sunny had clung to Klaus's leg, which he glanced down at now. Her arms were wrapped around his knee, and her face was turned upwards in a classic 'pick me up, please' way. She wasn't quite sure whether to trust Harry, and considering her past experiences, that was totally expected.

Klaus picked her up. "She's afraid of people that she doesn't know." He said, in way of explanation. Sunny nodded, shaking snow off her nose as she did so. Klaus understood how wary Sunny felt, and shared his feelings with her about this boy. Harry seemed nice, but there was something about him that was…wrong. Odd. It didn't feel right.

There was a slightly awkward silence, in which Klaus looked at Sunny, Sunny nibbled on her fingers, and Violet looked at the floor. Unexpectedly, a slightly nasal voice interrupted the silence.

"Children!" Mr. Poe said, coughing slightly. Violet looked startled. She had forgotten she was even there. Klaus jumped slightly at the ridiculousness of Mr. Poe's appearance. On his shoulders there was a dusting of snow, but not his hair. The bowler hat covering his hair, unfortunately, was a different matter.

"I will leave you here, along with the adoption papers and your suitcases. I trust you will get along fine with Dudley-" here he pointed at Harry-"and will behave nicely and properly. Good afternoon!"

Mr. Poe set down their suitcases on the porch, handed the adoption papers to Klaus, and trundled down the cold driveway to the car and got in. Klaus stared, dumbfounded, at the car, holding Sunny in one arm, and clutching the papers in the other. Mr. Poe was leaving them? Just like that, without even talking further to their new guardian? Of course, Mr. Poe was always acting that way, just dropping them off and leaving them there, in a strange place, with strange people. He never knew what was happening until it came up and bit him on the nose.

Klaus, Violet, and Sunny swallowed their anger, sighed, and turned to look at an incredulous Harry, whose blank face had slipped and showed a hint of emotion. Violet looked closely at him, wondering. Her inventing mind began to work.

"My name is Harry!" He called to the car, but Mr. Poe didn't hear him because he was pulling out of the driveway, and soon, driving down the street. Then he was gone.

"Callie," Sunny said into Klaus's shirt, but came out more like "Galbee" since her head was buried in wool. It meant, "May we please go inside? I'm very cold."

Harry must have seen her shivering, because he suddenly opened the door behind him wider. "You look freezing. Come inside, I'm…pretty sure my Uncle won't mind." He sounded like he doubted it.

Violet took a step forward, looking at Harry's face, which nodded and stared back at her, agonizingly emotionless, except for his eyes. They seemed to glint for a second with triumph, but Violet was sure she had imagined it. What in the world could have triggered this change in him? Just a couple moments ago he was laughing and grinning. They didn't do that…did they?

It was a tense moment as the Baudelaires stepped through the door. Time seemed to move in slow motion, and Klaus was sure he saw the lights flicker for a second. Then he felt something very odd that seemed to brush his face, like a cool gust of wind, but more real. It was like a wetted cloth was beingdragged across his nose and cheeks, but so lightly that he only felt a tingle on his face. Whispers coated the air like blankets, and it was like something was brushing him off, inspecting him for something evil, something odd, and something unfathomable.

Then everything was normal, and his foot touched the carpeted hallway, and he looked around, confused. He siblings were shivering, and he knew they had felt the same sort of feeling as they had stepped through the doorway. Violet looked at Harry, whose face was no longer blank, but relieved and disappointed at the same time. It was like a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders, and all the tenseness was pouring from his body.

Sunny's teeth chattered, and she clung to Klaus harder. She didn't know what happened, but whatever happened had happened so fast that she didn't know if it was a dream or not. It was scary. There was something wrong with this boy, this house. But at the same time, it was like she had escaped from some sort of bad, frightening world, and it was only safe in this house, with this boy, who was a strange sort of savior for a different realm. And as she looked at her siblings, she knew that they felt nothing of what she was, and only knew the experience of stepping through that door.

Harry quickly shut the door.

"I'm sorry. I'm not used to newcomers, unless they're relatives of people I know. Which, I guess, you qualify for." He said, smiling.

Violet was startled at the change that once again came over the boy. Even her inventing mind stopped working on the 'lie all you want but I'll find out' machine she started thinking about when she first stepped through Harry's door. There was something he was hiding. Something big.

But she just brushed it off, unaware that later, she would wish she hadn't. She would wish dearly.

Harry sighed as Klaus put Sunny down. Confused, Klaus watched her toddle over to Harry and bite his hand, gently. Harry raised his eyebrows.

"She likes you," Violet clarified quickly, surprised, once again,at this sudden change of events. Sunny didn't like him at first, right? She sighed; relieved that at least Sunny was warming up to Harry. She didn't want a huge fiasco happening whenever Sunny saw him. That would just be embarrassing. "If she bites you hard, she really, really doesn't like you."

Sunny smiled up at Harry, who looked down at her through the thin lenses of his round glasses and smiled back. Sunny knew she would like this boy, she just did. It was like they shared something in common, a special trait. She just didn't know what it was.

Then they were all brought back to earth by the loud yell that echoed across the house.

"Uncle Vernon," Harry sighed, and ruffled his hair. "He'll be wondering if I got rid of you yet."

"Got rid of us?" Klaus asked. Sunny's eyes widened. Violet bit her lip.

Thundering footsteps sounded.

"BOY! Did you ward them off? Did you-"

"No," Harry stated coolly, as Mr. Dursley's shape walked around the corner of the incredibly clean carpeted hallway.

Mr. Dursley's face turned livid, a putrid sort of red color. A vein near his temple started to throb rather horribly, and his fists clenched at his sides. His beady little eyes searched Harry's face. "You what?" He asked rather dangerously.

"I said, 'No,'" Harry said. He turned to Klaus. "Can I see those?"

Klaus handed over the crumpled papers to Harry, who held them out to Mr. Dursley, who snarled in a very menacing way, mustache quivering. Violet stepped backwards and scooped up Sunny. Klaus didn't move.

"Here. You're supposed to sign these, so they can stay here." Harry said, smiling politely, as though this was some sort of game instead of a very, unfortunate-looking situation.

Mr. Dursley roared. "YOU DO NOT BLOODY COTROL WHAT HAPPENS IN THIS BLOODY HOUSE, YOU WILL NOT DISOBEY ME, AND I SAY THEY CAN'T STAY HERE!"

He lumbered over the Harry, snatched the papers and one hand, and raised the other as if to strike Harry.

"I'll tell Lupin." Harry stated calmly.

Sunny watched as the whole situation reversed completely. Harry's words seemed to push Mr. Dursley so that he stepped back and dropped his hand, fear suddenly evident in his eyes. His back hit the wall, and he clenched the adoption papers to his chest. "You won't. We haven't done anything!"

"You were, and I will." Harry said slowly, and Klaus could see he enjoyed this power he had over his uncle. Who was Lupin, anyway? Klaus had read that 'lupus' means 'wolf' in Latin. Interesting last name.

"Are…are they…your kind?" Mr. Dursley asked after a moment, his voice seemingly firm, but cracked, spitting the word as if an insult. Violet stared at him in confusion. What did he mean, 'your kind'?

Harry turned and looked them over, then stared at the door with his abnormally green eyes. They seemed to bore into the door like knives. "No," He said finally. "They're Mug- I mean, normal."

Mr. Dursley heaved an enormous sigh. "Good. I won't have any more wishy-washy nonsense in this house. It's enough having one good boy and one runt to take care of then three other effing…" he looked at the Baudelaires "…runts."

"Evi Mand NO!" Sunny shrieked, which meant, "We are NOT runts!"

Klaus glared at Mr. Dursley, who gritted his teeth and started to tear great clumps out of his mustache. "Fine," He growled. "But they're earning their own pay. Now GO TO YOUR BLOODY ROOM. And NO SUPPER."

"Sure, sure." Harry said, grinning, but before he could lead the Baudelaires away, a very bony faced woman who looked rather like a horse stepped into the room. She stared with narrow eyes at them, looking as though they had soiled her best carpet with mud.

"Who are _they_, Vernon?" She said in a simpering, whiney voice that made the hairs on Klaus's neck stand up.

"GO TO YOUR ROOM!" Mr. Dursley bellowed, and Harry smirked but complied, leading Violet, Klaus and Sunny down to the end of the hall. Muffled voices started talking behind them, but Harry just led them on, not pausing to look back. Doors branched off into other incredibly clean rooms, and a staircase cut into a wall on their right. The Baudelaires all wondered the same things: Who was Dudley? Where would they sleep? How would they work for their pay? How would they eat? How would they _survive?_

The stairs were creaky, especially near the middle, where Klaus supposed someone had jumped on repeatedly in recent years. A particularly loud creak cut caused Harry to roll his eyes, but of course all the Baudelaires saw was a hand smoothing his wild black hair down.

There was a hall at the top of the stairs, like the one downstairs, with four rooms branching off to the sides. As they passed one room, they could hear loud gunshots and obnoxious music playing. But before they could take a few steps farther, the door opened.

Standing in the doorway was the largest boy the Baudelaires had ever seen in their entire lives. He was so big he almost had to walk sideways to get through the door. No more than 5 chins were attached to his face, and his piggy little eyes were just like his fathers'. His bulk, however, was slightly due to his muscles, which had developed even more with his constant boxing practice. Of course, when the Baudelaires saw him, they were immediately intimidated.

Sunny whimpered and Violet picked her up, afraid she would be flattened if the monster even took one step towards her. Klaus took a deep breath, but Harry just looked at the enormous bulk that was his surrogate brother and smiled.

"What was it that you wanted, Dudley?" He asked, crossing his arms.

"Who're they?" The bulk asked, a voice rather gruff but high at the same time.

"Your new family members."

As a frustrated roar echoed through the neighborhood, as all this was happening, no one in that house noticed that they had left a certain couple of suitcases on the front porch, and no one noticed that they were suddenly gone, and that black shadows crept across the street, whispering.

No one knew.


End file.
